Naggins & Notions

My Do’s and Don’ts of Dating

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Today’s post is going to be something a little different – a tongue in cheek look nto the comedy show that is my dating life. My friends have been getting a laugh from it for years now so I thought I may as well share it here and give you guys a laugh too!

So we all know the story with dating by now – get yourself on an app and swipe away to your hearts content and hope to dear god that we find our tinderella/tinderfella because lets face it, who’d even approach someone and talk to them face to face without carefully creeping on their insta to see their cute dog??

Height

So as a 6 foot 2 lanky strain of piss, you can imagine it can be a tad awkward when I go on a date with someone who’s smaller (or in some cases, taller) than me. I once went on a date with someone who was ALOT smaller then I thought they were. When we met up, I was surprised to say the least. Nevertheless, we both got on so I figured going for a coffee wouldn’t hurt. After our coffee which was nice enough, he walked me to my bus stop and what happened next can only be described as a wild dog dashing for a rabbit – he stood closer to me (on his tippy toes might I add) and went to kiss me and proceeded to maul my face off until I awkwardly (and deservedly) stepped away as my bus was coming. It’s safe to say that we haven’t spoken since…

Exes

Exes. We’ve all got them and in a city as small as Dublin and a community as small as the LGBT one, we’re more than likely going to bump into them in one way or another and that’s pretty much normal. One thing that isn’t normal is when you go on a date and go on to spend the majority of the date talking about your ex – Guys and gals, please don’t do that as not only will it make the other person uncomfortable, it’ll make them want to run for the hills and almost certainly delete your number…

I once went on a date with someone who spent the WHOLE time telling me how he worked with his ex and how his ex was friends with their manager and was making things difficult. I don’t know which was worse – the fact that we went to Diceys for a date during the day (??) or the fact that he basically used our date as a free counselling session…

PDA’s

PDA’s or otherwise known as Public Displays of Affection are grand if you’re into them. If you’re someone who likes to be affectionate towards your other half then go right ahead… But PLEASE for the love of God don’t do it in the middle of a busy street at peak times of the day as the LAST thing I want to see is you acting the Henry Hoover on your other halves face while I’m running (well lets face it, fast walking) for a bus.

I remember one of the very first dates I went on he was going to give me a kiss but I saw he’d eaten a rank af bagel about twenty minutes previously and repeatedly ignored my offers of chewing gum…

Excuses

I’ve heard and given some pretty shocking yet weirdly hilarious excuses to get out of dates/make things less awkward in the past. One of my favourites was the guy who told me he had to rush back to work (it was like 5:30pm but alright…) and then as I went toilet after he left, I walked outside after him and saw him sitting at the bar with another guy on a seemingly nice date like duuuude, if you’re going to double date, at least pick a different bar then your first one…

Similarly, I had a date about two years ago with a guy in a bar just off of Grafton Street and had arranged another with a guy in a bar just off of Henry Street so of course different sides of the city almost no chance of being caught etc etc – until the guy I was supposed to meet over on Henry Street said he’d meet me on Grafton Street where I was with guy numero uno. So I did what I’ve been told is smooth as fuck – told guy numero uno that guy numero dos was my cousin who didn’t know I was gay and omg lads, not only did they see each other, there was like a period of two minutes (which felt like two years) of them making small talk AND DIDN’T EXPECT A THING…. I went on to date guy numero uno for a solid 8/9 months but didn’t realise it but that’s a story for another time…

*And yes before any of you hop down my throat, I’m well aware that it’s perfectly okay to date multiple people at the same time but have a bit of cop on and do it so there’s fuck all chance that they’ll see each other…

Last minute can sometimes be the best…

If you’ve ever met me, you’ll know I’m an absolute control freak. I’ll plan almost everything to within an inch of its life. Especially with dates. I prefer to meet up with guys from whatever app I’ve matched with them on in bars in town so neither of us are travelling too far to meet up (I’m pretty sound I know guys no need to tell me).

During the Summer just gone, I was due to meet one of my friends in town for drinks and a drunken girlo bop but for certain reasons for which he’s since bought me a drink to make up for, he didn’t show up. I just so happened to be talking to a guy at the time who told me he was in town with some friends in a bar near where I was and if I wanted to join then I should feel free to.

Now, being mildly tipsy at the time and having missed my last bus home, I decided why not and met up with him and quite honestly had a way better time then I have had on any super organised/planned dates I’ve been on.

This one guy and I ended up seeing each other for the next 3 months before ending it and realising we wanted different things – those different things being him needing a bigger mirror to love himself in but anywaaaay….

So that’s pretty much everything I’ve learned from dates (well, as much as I can share without being hypocritical…) over the years and I hope y’all got a laugh out of them because I sure did while writing it lol (well after the cringing stopped of course…)

Til next time,

Conor xo

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